Know all your enemies

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 02:46:21 GMT

if the election was won on who had the best singing spokesperson, i'm pretty sure obama girl would beat these ladies hands down

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 14:53:49 GMT

god i've got tonsillitis for like the third time this year, yesterday was so so horrible going to the walk-in centre at 8 in the morning and then going to finish off my christmas shopping wanting to die with my throat killing me and it being freezing. it's so cold! is it cold out today i haven't checked but it's been so cloudless for ages, which is why i got so confused when it started snowing on regent st yesterday for a few minutes (baffling) and it's kind of breaking me lol i guess i'm glad it's like this and not just grey and tepid. anyway people at the walk-in centre are always really strange and patronising, they go through a huge long list of things that could hapen to you when you take penicillin which really makes it sound like you could die at any given moment during the course but reading the leaflet i got with the pack i discovered that one side effect is a black hairy tongue (like this but you probably shouldn't look at it) which is totally disgusting right and a thing i can't believe that happens. oh also i called NHS direct at like midnight last night because my mouth suddenly starting filling with this foul taste like sulphur or ammonia or something which naturally made me freak out, moreso when they didn't know what it was god. but then it stopped and today i feel much better. grossness over, but seriously every time i get tonsillitis it's worse than last time in at least some way, this time i was really feverish and so pissed off that i had to venture out into the cold do buy my nan bath oil.

oh yeah the banner ad for this website is really loud and annoying which made me lol especially as it gives the illusion of a car insurance ad, i guess so it can be discreet. i'm annoyed because i just thought up the word manpon and wanted to use it but they're actually sanitary towels.

i've been feeling genuinely christmassy this year, probably spurred on by the fact that i live in a nice house full of nice people rather than last year's damp and dark physical and symbolic atmostphere, plus the fact that it's been genuinely cold and i have so many christmas songs on my computer this year. we had our christmas dinner on tuesday which i think was so delicious and pleasant it gave me tonsillitis, and i'm concerned that the christmas dinner that my Auntie Sue will cook on actual Christmas day won't be as delicious, i mean she'll probably boil the carrots ffs and there won't be any yorkshire pudding because you're meant to have that with beef. she'll probably do prawn cocktail for starters too lol which reminds me did anyone watch the come dine with me christmas special last night? it was such a weird format, they went from house to house in one night to each do a different course, it didn't really work at all but they had 3D glittery silver numbers to hold up which made it slightly better. i guess no one is ever going to top the man who threw his pans away after he used them, or the lady who cooked "lamb a la kabam" and said "if you cook something with love, it will taste lovely" and laughed uncontrollably through the whole of her episode

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 06:07:32 GMT

god okay so the other day i looked at my old livejournal and even went back as far as my old BLURTY lol and honestly i couldn't recommend it to anyone, instead of cringing and lolling about it to myself like i expected i found the whole thing an incredibly depressing experience, see-sawing between being disgusted at myself ("i love good pop - not chart pop, indie pop") and being really disgusted at myself for being such a fucking drama queen, all i ever did was mope. it was mostly really sad, reading about things ridiculously angsty that i can barely remember happening, written in a way that i can't believe i actually wrote like so recently (srsly phase 1 up until god maybe late 2003?), i was writing so frequently that my teen angst my so-called life years are really accurately documented, and in real life they aren't nearly so eloquent or poignant. instead, the angst fucking smashes you over the head again and again until you don't give a shit, hell even i was reading it hoping i would fucking kill myself already. tbh my heart went out to the kid who wrote it who was so desperate that he was making matters worse, but if it had been any other kid i probably wouldn't have. which was why it was so depressing.

moving on, i cannot express how important i feel it is that same difference win the x factor. after their performance of never had a dream come true this week, i realised that no matter who wins the x factor, or how good their voice is (leona lewis excluded), they're going to be given a bland, mediocre pop song to sing. same difference can sing those songs with an earnestness and genuine emotional honesty that's pretty hard to fault through all the peculiar circus/pillow fight/christmas scene choreography. i mean, regardless of how chirpy a song was before they got their hands on it, it will be once they're done with it, in such a way that if they were depressives they would probably turn every song into a dreary dirge that would make even the x factor audience (who would frankly give a standing ovation to Ian Huntley if he could sing a couple of lines of you'll never walk alone out of tune) sinking down into lethargy and penning tearful notes about who gets their meat loaf cds. probably. in some ways it's almost a new kind of honesty: no one has ever sung wake me up before you go-go and really MEANT it before. oh, and also they dress like they're in hi-5 WHEN THEY'RE NOT PERFORMING and jump and dance around a lot. and the girl was bullied or something.

i don't know why i said all that when really sharon osborne's reaction says it all

omg no i didn't

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 01:42:59 GMT

www.adamhoward.com

i'm scamming you all right now

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 16:31:43 GMT

also, who wants to come see danielson with me next thursday?

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 16:24:23 GMT

as of yesterday i'm all properly moved in and stuff. everyone should come and visit because it's a seriously great house full of seriously great people and we have a wii. a wii! i haven't really done much since i've moved apart from see knocked up (incredible) and panic about money, but things are going well. i have too much reading to do. and still have to hand in a dissertation proposal. but i feel good about the upcoming year. i'm sure i'll work a lot harder once i've completed zelda.

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 17:47:46 GMT

my dog, jack, went missing last night. he takes himself for walks all the time but he always comes back so by 9 o clock we were out on bikes in cars and on foot looking for him. i dove into the woods at 10 at night just in time for my torch battery to die and for me to promtly get lost and stumble through trees and branches and ferns trying to find some way out whilst still searching for the source of this horrible barking noise that either soudned like jack in pain or a fox. it was the latter. in the end i found my way out and walked home defeated and went to bed to not sleep worrying.

however, this story has a happy ending! after a night of worrying that the coolest dog on earth was lying in a ditch somewhere whimpering and dying, or that his bad heart had given out of him and he'd slunk off to the woods to die, and a morning of hoping he'd be out on the doorstep or we'd find him in the daylight,we rang the police and he'd been found by some woman and taken into the police training centre down the road! and then onward to the pound! so after a fee from the council and a long drive there was the dog we know and love scampering out of a kennel! i don't think he realises anything happened tbh hm. a story for the ages.

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 15:51:03 GMT

i should know that going home for extended periods of time is a bad idea, it only takes a week or so to feel that one is missing out on all this life and opportunity back in london, especially with the internet. in my life i constantly find myself wanting more, envying everyone around me and their seemingly more interesting lives, always wanting things to go the way they plan in my head. is it so much to ask for a little serendipity? for things to suddenly, you know, go really really right? i tire so quickly of trying to see the good. i want obvious good. the kind of good which makes you think, "life is good".

of course, there is obvious good happening, and happening soon. i've moved out of malpas rd and the wheels are in motion for me to move in with sara and alex, and apparently fil now, and that is of course really really exciting. i'm hoping this move will get my life, stagnant for a year now, to flow again, and i can put all the shit that i went through over the last year behind me and move again, and live with great people.

i have a massive box of books arriving for me tomorrow which is fucking exciting. book buying day is my favourite day of the year, the one thing i'm going to miss most when i finish my degree. BUT loads of the books which i wanted to read on my course lists have been changed! no swann's way, no tender is the night, fuckin jealousy and the great gatsby instead. and i have to read crime and punishment now and i don't really want to.reading raymond carver properly for the first time and i really wish life was like that really. except you know, not so sad. just, with people constantly seeming like they're walking through life in a daze with peacocks appearing out of nowhere and old men inviting you to have a drink with them on their front lawn which has been turned into a living room.

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:33:06 GMT

i'm becoming an episode of house and i'm a bit scared.

in other news, i'm pretty certain my dad has gone out to sit in the car for the sole purpose of listening to the hairspray soundtrack

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 16:19:41 GMT

well, i got a 2:2 for my second year, which isn't great but it ws what i expected, but i always do better than i expect so i expected to do better than i expected? but it's probably a decent reflection of how much effort i put in, and i did best in sensibility and romanticism which is apparently hard to do?

i'm moving out in a week and a bit, i'm practically living alone as it is because rosie is on holiday in southern spain and sophie's room is so damp that she can't sleep in it anymore and is sleeping at the house thy're moving into. we've been getting along pretty well lately tbh, in a tense way, apart from last sunday where she kept texting me really insulting things while i was trying to have fun in hampstead things have been alright! which is good i guess, it at least means things won't be awkward if we run into each other next year at college.

i haven't done a thing but read this week, trudging my way through time of the hero with a view to writing about it in my dissertation and balling profusely at the ending of kiss of the spider woman even though i didn't enjoy it that much. i also made a really great soup last night with purple peppers, which sadly didn't turn the soup purple.

who wants to go and see angels in america with me? i'm thinking of going either this saturday for the matinee and evening (my preferred option), or wednesday and thursday night next week. it's like £14! maybe even cheaper! and as much as i don't mind going alone it is like this engrossing experience that i'd like to share with someone. lol.

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 15:03:29 GMT

home was alright, it was pretty dull and my great-uncle died. actually that was pretty awful, no one seemed to care that much that he had died, he had become a pain to everyone who had to look after him and after his wife of 65 years had died last winter he pretty much didn't have anything to live for. everyone was saying that it was what he wanted, and it just made me think "but why did you want it?" which is why i got pretty teary when his daughter gave a really amazing, moving, emotional eulogy.

anyway, downer, i also made brownies and watched angels in america with rosemary which was a laugh. now i'm back in london not doing very much but feeling pretty okay about it! i cleaned up the whole house and even did all the disgusting washing up that rosie and sophie had left behind that was covered in mould and stuff and i felt really good and the flat was beautiful and then sophie came back and messed it up almost immediately by making pizzas from scratch and not washing it up and leaving the plates all over. god, i can't wait to move out. only a month! in the meantime i'm sorting out my dissertation and maybe a job too? if not i'll have to wait until i go and move into my new house with sara and alex and our mystery fourth housemate.

i started writing my novel in a form that i'm actually pretty happy with last night, please read it, i'd like to know what you think and stuff. it gets kind of self indulgent in the middle, and it's pretty angry overall, but i promise that the rest of the damn thing won't be. this novel is all about finding myself again, i feel as though i've got pretty lost over the course of the year.

oh and guys, i still only have a handful of numbers on my phone, please please text me with yours! i have the same number, and all the people that i know irl that are on here apart form sara who i see all the bloody time, well, i'd really like to see each and every one of you.

also i'm really obssessed with this song:

anyway, here it is, tentatively entitled

Year of the Wolf: A True Story

After about two or three months of living with Rosie and Sophie in our new South-East London flat, our furniture began sinking into the floor. Sophie was the first person to notice it, one morning in mid November. From my room, I heard her knock on Rosie’s door, and in a confused and excited voice beckon her into her bedroom. I shortly joined them after the noises they were making had suitably sparked my curiosity, peeking my head round Sophie’s door to discover them trying to pry her wardrobe open. The problem they were having was that the wardrobe in question had sunk five or six inches into the ground, jamming the door closed. Naturally, this left us baffled, and after a quick sweep of the flat we discovered that all of the heavy furniture – wardrobes, chests of drawers, sofas, beds, the fridge – were buried partway into the floorboards. It turned out that this was more than a nuisance than anything else, that one could easily lift the furniture back out of the ground with some help and a bit of elbow grease, but an explanation for why it was happening was never discovered. The landlord simply did not believe us, refusing to even take a look at it or to accept any responsibility, but then again he did that with all the problems that we were having with the flat. Other than the quicksand floor, there was damp on the walls, a broken oven door, a leaky tap, and countless other corners that had been cut and cracks that had been pasted over. Our flat was a poor, patchwork excuse for a home.
But we could live in it – for a time. Before long, however, the floor became more fluid, allowing for smaller items like chairs and boxes to slowly be enveloped by the wood veneer, for the larger pieces to sink at a more and more alarming rate. Before long we couldn’t leave anything like newspapers or plates or dirty clothes on the floor because they’d be gone in a few hours. We found that we would have to get up off the sofa during ad breaks to pull the tv and its stand, as well as the sofa, the coffee table, and the lamp back up. I was constantly losing spare change that had fallen out of my pockets as I had taken off my jeans. We had no idea where to leave our shoes. After six months of us living there, we had lost a total of 10 coffee mugs, 6 plates, 5 knifes, 9 forks, 23 pens, 12 pairs of shoes, 4 bags, 1 clothes horse along with the load of laundry that had been drying on it, 2 mobile phones, one laptop and one teddy bear with “extraordinary sentimental value”.
However for me, the hardest problem was not the quicksand floor, or any of the other nagging problems with the flat. It was the slowly developing barriers between my two flatmates and I.
When we had initially moved into the flat, we were all good friends. We took trips to Ikea together to buy accessories for our exciting first flat away from parents and halls, we had a kick-ass housewarming cum birthday party for me and Rosie, our birthdays being three days apart. But quickly I noticed that Rosie and Sophie, who had lived together in halls the year before, were much closer to each other than they were to me, almost rudely so. They would plan to do things together, everything from going to Sainsbury’s, to trips to exhibitions or events, to going on holiday, and they would do so right in front of me without ever thinking that maybe I’d like to come too. They would do fun things around the house like bake or garden without me. I would ask them a question and they would say the answer to each other. On top of this, after a few months Sophie decided that she didn’t like me. This dislike manifested itself by her not speaking to me, generally avoiding me, texting me with things I had apparently done wrong in the flat, and by labelling her milk. To this day I cannot figure out what I did to deserve all that passive aggression, and I really do think I tried my hardest to be a better flatmate in the event that I was unwittingly annoying her with the things I did or didn’t do around the house, but eventually I gave up and began to detest her. The things that were annoying me that she was doing around the house, domestic things like not ever cleaning the bathroom and not doing her washing up promptly enough, overlapped into my detesting of who she was as a person: the twee art she made, all woodland animals and felt, the bad post-hardcore-by-numbers music she listened to, the way she would turn her nose up at anything I cooked, eventually her very face. In short, she made me not like myself. I had an irrational, ugly, unhealthy hatred of her and I did not like the thoughts I had around her or the person that those thoughts turned me into. Most of all, though, I did not like that I was too passive myself to express the anger that I had towards her in any constructive way. Furthermore, the constant feeling that I was doing things wrong spilled over to my social life and I found it harder and harder to talk to new people. Eventually, I began to act awkwardly around the friends that I already had, lacking the confidence to feel secure in my friendships, until even close friends seemed to give up on me and I felt somewhat pushed away. When you cannot go home to a place that you feel secure and welcome in, it chips away at you until you constantly feel worthless. I was a shell of the person that I aspired to be. We may have been the only things that weren’t sinking into the floor, by the flat itself was swallowing me whole. I began to find it hard not to tar Rosie with the same brush that I had given Sophie, as they remained best friends throughout the year. Rosie only really acted like a real friend to me when Sophie had gone home during term breaks. However, looking back, I never felt the animosity that I got from Sophie from Rosie. Rosie was, at heart, a kind, understanding, considerate person with a rationality that Sophie lacked, and although it rarely showed, I am certain that Rosie did not detest me in the same way that Sophie appeared to.
Upon reflection, the effect that the year in that flat had on me was devastating, and was by no means entirely Sophie and Rosie’s fault. I know I could have tried harder to resolve at least some of the issues that we had been having with each other, and I could been stronger and not let the situation get to me so much. But, for the way that she treated me, at times with utter disregard, contempt, and maliciousness, and with a sense of false superiority that permeated her every glance, I will always consider Sophie Thomas the most pathetic bitch I have ever met.

Anyway, this story does not concern these people or this flat. This is only the beginning. This story begins the morning of Tuesday, July 3rd 2007, one month before we were due to move out of the flat and I was going to move in with my friend Sara and her boyfriend Alex. I woke up to discover that all the furniture in my room, including the bed that I had been sleeping on, had been entirely submerged overnight, leaving me with no worldly possessions or clothes bar the underwear I had slept in. Because to us the floor was always inexplicably solid, and because we were living in a basement flat, this meant all my stuff was lost forever. Even my duvet had slipped off of me and had been swallowed up by the cold floor I was now laying on. I had nothing. I had envisaged this happening one morning, but fear of it actually happening had prevented me from preparing for it, and now as I looked around the bare room I struggled to hold back tears. It had been a rough year.
It was still early, around 7a.m., so I guess I had been woken up by hitting the floor. I needed to go and see if Rosie or Sophie had suffered the same fate, but first I needed to pee. I got up and went to the bathroom, checking to discover that the living room had vanished on the way. I went into the bathroom, pissed, washed my hands, and looked, bleary-eyed, at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t shaved for a few days, but my beard has always been fair and sparse (the bane of my life), so it was only just beginning to show. I bared my teeth, yellowing from my dual addictions to cigarettes and Diet Coke, I ran my hand through my hair, scruffy and rough because I couldn’t afford conditioner, and peered intently at the bags under my eyes, the spots around my nostrils. I looked rough.
It was then that I saw it. In the mirror, behind me, on the door. A sign, scrawled on A4 paper, in red felt tip:

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!!

I burned. How dare she? After never, ever complaining about it before, how dare she spring such a clichéd and obvious by-product of early 90s quasi-feminist stand-up comedy on me? Commanding me through pen and paper, not even requesting it, not even asking me to my face, as if this was her flat, as if she had the right to decide whether the toilet seat should remain up or down. I didn’t even understand it, surely putting the toilet seat down is as annoying for her as putting it up is for me. Not particularly annoying at all, and I’m sure she’s not stupid enough to sit down without checking. Every cell in my body was on fire, my devastation at losing everything I cared about transformed into white hot rage and focused itself entirely upon Sophie. I could no longer stand to be here, to be around someone who, with five words, self-righteously scrawled on one scrap piece of paper, could make me this angry. And now I had nothing holding me back.
I left the bathroom, and without a word stormed to the front door, flung it open, and, wearing only a pair of briefs, I charged forward into the rainy Tuesday morning, barefoot and free.

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 16:04:30 GMT

god being without a working phone is annoying, i got my replacement but the sim isn't working yet and it's jsut sitting there limp and useless like a macbook without the internet. except you can't even watch dvds on it. it's annoying because i'm going home for maybe 2 whole weeks tomorrow and i'd like to do things and maybe have some fun? but no way to contact people ugh. also i'm out of money i think which is another problem.

anyway did anyone watch last week's doctor who? the one called "blink"? because it was amazing, like really, really, amazing. not just really good for a doctor who episode amazing but really good for an any episode of anything amazing. i'm still reeling.

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 16:23:44 GMT

god i don't understand sundays. you can have a boring day where you do nothing in the middle of the week and it won't feel half so tedious and dull.

barcelona/primavera was cool! i saw a lot of barcelona, smashing pumpkins (surreal), patti smith covering smells like teen spirit and yelling things like NO WAR and WE MUST UNIFY and doing this big thing about us lifting up our hands of innocence to the sun but they're being rained on by the fallout from the bombs or something. i think park guell is now my favourite place in the world. it was also nice to go with a bunch of people i hardly knew but turned out were really really lovely apart from one girl but we all didn't like her so it was okay. photos will follow when i have a few more i guess. i've totally forgotten how to write an interesting livejournal entry.

Sun, 13 May 2007 14:13:14 GMT

i really really miss having the internet in my house.

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 20:34:56 GMT

my mum starts so many conversations with "of course, the funny thing is, well it's not funny really..."

the berkshire countryside is so far from everything ever that i feel like no one else exists, but all my eczema is essentially gone! which is nice because i really want to wear those nice shorts i bought last month.

just imagine....

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 20:59:28 GMT

Adam says:
do you ever wish that creme egg easter eggs were like
Adam says:
a giant creme egg?
jennifer says:
so that you'd have to use a spoon. orrr, have like, chocolate soldiers to dip in it. LIKE A PROPER EGG.

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 15:40:56 GMT

an absoutely fantastic weekend which involved cakes, schmoozing at the whitechapel art gallery at alex and kate's exhibition, atmosfear III which is rather more ridiculous than i remembered and sara had to get on all fours and snort like a pig, nando's (of course), the first 21 seconds of avril lavigne's new video, too much pizza and vienneta, about 10 episodes of arrested development, charity and vintage shopping to the extent that my wardrobe is totally revitalised, walking through camden and up primrose hill and around the london zoo (we saw warthogs, a black bear, camels, a lion, a llama and some sheep) and through regents park whilst it was raining and cold but we didn't care, and of course, gabi.

all my photos didn't come out properly, so here are some taken by alex and sara that did.

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 04:16:51 GMT

Okay, well I’ve tried to avoid bitching about it in my livejournal for 5 months but who cares, I’m at the end of my tether. I seriously hate living in my house, my two flatmates are so rude and bitchy and passive aggressive towards me all the time, Rosie less so but Sophie seriously so horrible which will probably sound unbelievable to most people who know her but she hasn’t spoken to me for 2 months unless it’s to complain about something I’ve apparently done wrong. They pay me no respect in that they treat me like this clumsy goofy kind of retarded guy to laugh at, and when they ask any kind of practical question they dismiss my answer before I even give it. Rosie’s room has ants right now which they got hysterical earlier tonight and when they asked me for the landlord’s number and I told them ants weren’t really a big issue and they just had to put some powder down they immediately shot me down trying to say that it was like having mice and it was the landlord’s responsibility and it’s more serious than that. Is it just because we get ants at home practically every year or doesn’t everyone know that ants aren’t really a big problem at all?? Anyway, just an example. They actively leave me out of fun house things like cooking (I once asked if I could help and they said no) and yet I’m the only one who cleans the toilets/ shower and buys the toilet roll etc which is so gay to write about but seriously! When friends live together aren’t they meant to get along and pitch in and NOT LABEL MILK? Right now I just asked them to turn the tv down because I have a lecture in the morning and since then all they’ve been doing is whispering and laughing. Paranoid.

Essentially, living here has been really hard and disillusioning and it’s been hard to accept or talk about, it’s horrible to feel so isolated and alone in your own home and it’s not how I wanted my first experience of living with friends to turn out at all. I’m getting really fucking scared about what to do next year, because I can’t live with them again and I don’t know who else to live with aside from having to pluck up the courage to actually ask and anyway what if it turns out the same again. God, I just wish I had it in me to fight back in situations like this. It gone beyond me being upset about it because it’s been going on so long but it still grates and makes me angry. It’s really easy to get into the mindset that there’s something wrong with me but I know that if I do that on a daily basis it’ll destroy me, so I’ll remain stoic until the end of the year, I hope. Anyway, just to let you know, peace out.

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 21:29:50 GMT

Lucy on shipwrecked is more racist than Jade will ever be.

awkward social situations in the library part II

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:11:10 GMT

omg THIS TIME the girl sitting next to me started crying whilst reading an email, punched the desk and ran off without logging off or getting her coat. i tried to sneak a peak at the msn conversation she was having but, um, it was in another language (i feel bad about it okay). omg and now she's coming back and i really want to say something along the lines of are you okay and stuff but GOD awkward i feel like a heartless dick, moreso by writing about it

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 14:22:03 GMT

omg i just dropped my diet coke bottle cap on the floor and it bounced up and hooked on the girl next to me's tights and she hasn't notied and now i don't know what to do

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 13:09:27 GMT

the stupidest thing i ever did was leave my laptop with my dad to get the sound card and headphones socket fixed, i find it so genuinely hard to work in the library, i need to sit on my bed and tinker with music and absent-mindedly open up comic books and magazines and make 5 cups of tea and wander into the living room to see what's on (nothing) and maybe dance/mime to a song or two and make a couple of toasties and then go and visit rosie or sophie if they're in their room and call gabi or mum and dad and do my essay in between these things. anyone who thinks that isn't productive is deluding themselves, i can an essay done in one night if i do it that way. this way 500 words has taken me 3 days. BUT we're getting the internet when i get my laptop back which will be good, it's not something i necessarily need anymore it's just something i want, and i'm not using the gym so i might as well spend the money on something i will use. excited for me? probably not, but i am.

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 12:32:52 GMT

i'm on my way back to london today! christmas and boxing day were a laugh, i got neat stuff (the planet earth box set, come over and watch it!), my 92 year old great uncle took 2 hours to go to the toilet which was ridiculous and annoying at 5 in the morning, and then i got to hang out with my favourite cousins on boxing day, but then after it was all over i was like what am i still actually doing here?

i think jack's sick, he's had this really nasty heaving cough for the last few days, the vet said it's either kennel cough or his heart has swollen and he's dying, which would be awful, he's seriously the best dog in the world!

what an incoherent and pointless post, i just wanted to alert the world to my homecoming really.

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 21:58:56 GMT

for the last few days all i've done is eat mince pies and watch clips of planet earth and walk the dog through the fields and woods which frost and fog have made so beautiful! anyway i just wanted to post this really

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 20:18:46 GMT

My aunt's funeral was today, i'm not looking for sympathy as i never really knew her well enough to have to grieve, but it was awful seeing my uncle throw five or six fistfuls of dirt into a grave and having trouble standing. i had an amazing conversation with an 87 year old woman at the wake about where the world had taken the both of us (hers more interesting naturally) and at the end of it she said "thank you for talking to an old woman like me" and my heart broke because it was the best conversation i'd had all day and i didn't know how to tell her it was without sounding like i was humouring her.

i've done a lot of stupid things lately, and for the last term i haven't been particularly happy. i spent the two genuinely great (in my opinion, although deerhoof and iggy and the stooges and dave making a case for the sexiness of red pandas were also a laugh) moments of atp, sunday morning at the chalet and saturday night some amazing for very different reasons films stressing about something i shouldn't have worried about in the first place, being uptight and rude and not counting my blessings, a theme of the last three months which i haven't written about or told people about for fear of whining. now that everything that's been getting me down is out of the way i want to start acting like myself again.

also playing atmosfear at sara's on saturday night was fucking amazing.